'[He] comes home, sits on the couch, and waits for dinner to be served': 30-year-old woman tells her 32-year-old husband that she's 'done' cooking for him after he refuses to help or learn how

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 12, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Any guy who can do maintenance on their car or build a deck can cook a meal. It's really the same thing. Sure, you might not get it right the first time you try it. Cooking is just the same thing as anything else that requires procedural knowledge a bit of muscle memory and elbow grease. It takes time and practice along with a bit of intentional focus, but eventually, you'll be smooth sailing. I always find it startling anytime I meet someone who professes to not know "how" to cook. Like how did you feed yourself when you moved out of your parent's place? How did you survive?

It might have worked in the yesteryear of existence to have one spouse who handled all the cooking since only one spouse in the household worked full-time, but now that it's the norm to have a dual-income household all the chores, including cooking and cleaning need to be split evenly, too. Disagreements in the division of household values are sure to cause cracks in the foundation of any relationship, and any refusal to even talk about it speaks volumes to the character and commitment of those responsible.

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  • 01

    "AITAH for telling my husband I won’t cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?"

    I (30F) have been married to my husband, Tom (32M), for 4 years. We both work full-time jobs-he works in IT, and I work in marketing. Despite us having similar work hours, I've somehow ended up being the one who cooks dinner every single night.
    via [deleted]
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10492985856
    via Le Creuset

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    At first, I didn't mind because I enjoy cooking, but over time, it's become exhausting. Some days, I come home after a long day and just want to relax. Meanwhile, Tom comes home, sits on the couch, and waits for dinner to be served. He never offers to help with cooking or cleaning up afterward.
    via [deleted]
  • 04
    Last night, I told Tom that I'm done being the only one responsible for cooking dinner. I suggested that we split the responsibility—either he cooks a few nights a week, we take turns, or we order takeout sometimes. Tom got defensive and said it's "not a big deal" since I'm "better at cooking anyway" and that it's something I've always done. He also said he's too tired after work and doesn't see why this needs to change.
    via [deleted]
  • 05
    I got frustrated and told him it's unfair to expect me to do everything when we both work. Now he's upset, saying I'm overreacting and making a big deal out of something small. He even told a couple of his friends, who are siding with him, saying "it's just dinner."
    via [deleted]
  • 06
    So, AITAH for telling my husband I won't cook dinner every night because I also work full-time?
    via [deleted]
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    Cheezburger Image 10492986112
    via Sandra Seitamaa For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    Hot-Inside4672 "Its just dinner" can be said back to him why doesnt he try and do it for once HE CLEARLY KNOWS ITS TAXING IF HE DOESNT MAKE HIM DO IT
    via [deleted]
  • 09
    Salt-Finding9193 'He never offers to clean up afterwards' you have got to be kidding me. If he wants. dinner he has to do the clean up. What are you doing with this big baby? Tell him to get off his lazy a and cook and clean 3-4 days a week or it's over.
    via [deleted]
  • 10
    Ander-son I advise against having kids. with this man
    via [deleted]
  • 11
    Darkhead3380 NTA. If you two work the same hours, the chores should be split 50/50. Including the responsibility(!). Either he makes up for your cooking time in other activities (cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, ...) or he's responsible for half of the meals. If he refuses to do his duties, just don't cook for him. Or leave the AH immediately. It's not the 50s any more.
    via [deleted]
  • 12
    budackee_10 Tell him that's great, since it's not a big deal then he can do it
    via [deleted]
  • 13
    Frankifile Well if it's not that big a deal he can do dinner for the next four years whilst you sit on waiting to eat. your These friends who think it's not a big deal, they don't cook every evening after coming home from work? You need to properly talk, tell him if he really thinks it's no big deal he'll cook, he needs the practice anyway as you're the better cook. Tell him he can follow YouTube videos. Or simple recipes online.
    via [deleted]

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